I polled my Instagram followers on the topic of time management and the majority answered they were rarely to never satisfied with how they manage their time. There are exactly one bajillion resources available RIGHT. NOW. on the subject of time management, ranging from broad spectrum to niche needs, and believe me I might've sampled them all.
I've been working for myself for nearly ten years. Seeing clients 1:1, mentoring clients on a consistent basis, developing, planning and hosting lectures and workshops, managing my social media, patreon, podcast, designing and redesigning my website every few months (for fun), I've had odd jobs here and there, experienced countless periods of transience, displacement, relocation, break-ups, make-ups, very close family members dying, attending college and giving Tarot readings between classes (how I got my start), writing and publishing at least one piece per year, being an avid reader and esoteric researcher, keeping up with my meditation and spiritual practices, feeding my hunger for good cinema and, exploring and archiving music for no less than hours at a time, meal planning with dietary restrictions, maintaining my relationship with my partner, maintaining my relationships with many, many friends across state lines and overseas, at times caring for 10+ animals at a time, now I have a one year old, plan to homeschool, just expanded my business to include creative consulting work, and I myself will be returning to school for videography (online) in less than a week ... etc etc *gasps for air*
That's a bit of what I've had to grapple with so far in terms of time management in the school of life.
I say this not with the implication that what I've put on my plate is any more challenging to manage than the next person's fair share, but to give you an idea of my, ah let’s call it range.
So, let me tell you a story. I’ll preface with a quote by one of my favorite people on earth, the Poet Ariana Reines:
“The refusal of eloquence is an act of humility. It’s an act of love.”
I, a 22 year old at the time, with no idea how to run a business, started a business, a private intuitive consulting business called With Love, Nyoka. I want to make it very clear that then it was not a popular, or trendy, or even common thing to see someone starting what is now known as a 'spiritually based business' and as a matter of fact, I knew no one who had done it except for the really big names in the field. There were, of course, working psychics out there but my point is that they were not readily accessible and so I had nothing to model my business after.
When you start a business naturally you start thinking more concretely about success. My idea of success at the time was having regular clients. It was, essentially, to work and get paid for it ideally more than once a week. That happened pretty quickly. So, then my idea of success became I want to see at least three clients a week. That happened. Then success became I want to be totally booked more than one week at a time. That happened and coincided with a move that granted me my own office for the first time in my life. I was a year into running my own business and experiencing my first 'boom', and I was thrilled, but I wanted to maintain it. So, I became really, really, obsessed with time management and scheduling. I set to the task of scheduling lit-er-ally every aspect of my life. To the point where I was not just scheduling 'free time' but scheduling what I would do with my free time on Monday at 3pm as opposed to Wednesday at 6pm. My partner and my friends were... concerned.
Long story short after a few months of going like that I was completely and totally burnt out. Then I went through a breakup, took a year long hiatus, moved and moved again, started a new relationship, and travelled more than I would've necessarily preferred.
When I started taking clients again that same idea of success came back, that carrot was dangling and so once again I set to the task of starting over to make it back to the heights I felt I had fallen from. This time, I knew better, knew that I needed to cool it on the fanatical scheduling, but I was still convinced that what would make me happiest was to be working with clients a lot, be booked weeks and months in advance, etc. And the truth is I do absolutely love working because I love the work that I do, so if a + b = c, it was totally logical that more opportunities for work + more time spent working = success.
I went through this same cycle with some variation of achieving this idea of success, burning out, and starting over many, many times over the next FIVE YEARS. And during that time I tried every single trick in the book when it came to time management because I was convinced that the reason I kept burning out was because I didn't know how to manage my time wisely enough to keep the flame lit but not burn my candle at both ends. It must be my time management skills, she said!
Haha!
SEVEN YEARS later, I finally realized what the problem was. Spoiler: It was NOT my time management skills or lack thereof. And since then I have had virtually no issues with time management, as a matter of fact the concept of time management rarely even crosses my mind whereas before it was literally thee BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.
So, what did I discover that changed everything? Well, despite the fact that I am a person who is deeply devoted and undeniably committed to self-awareness, it finally dawned on me after another two-month long stint of peak performance in terms of client volume and revenue that left me feeling on the edge of burnout yet again, that what I truly, madly, deeply wanted deep down in my heart of hearts was to work with clients a few hours a day but not every day, and to have the freedom and security to not work if I don't feel like working. That’s the skinny, at least. I am, as a friend of mine put it, a very particular woman. So, I won’t bore you with all the details of precisely what I discovered I truly wanted.
Anyway, maybe you're thinking "yeah, about that last bit with the not working when you don’t want to work, duh, DON'T WE ALL?"
Ah, yes— there it is, my point exactly.
I had internalized an idea of success that did not originate from me. It came from a hodge-podge of what I had picked up along the way. I took what shoes fit well enough but weren't actually my style and settled for something that was Wayless satisfying than I could've ever realized until the day I finally ..what? TOLD MYSELF THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT I WANTED and did something about it.
What really made this realization possible for me was SEEING other people I admired doing it. Thanks, Internet! Seeing that it was very possible is what made it possible for me to REALIZE what I wanted. When I realized this I also realized why I couldn't see it before despite being a what? a person who is deeply devoted and undeniably committed to self-awareness. See, it was buried under things like "my loved ones will see me as lazy, the value of my work will be in question, that's only possible if I had a lot of money, that's only possible if my partner made a lot of money, that's only possible if if if if" and all those ifs over time eventually formed one big conglomerate mass which registered in my subconscious mind as: this is not possible for you.
So much so that I did not. even. see. it. for. seven. years.
Yes, all these sneaky, sneaky unconscious beliefs that it was not possible, or not possible for me, to spend most of my time doing the work that no one gets to see, but that literally makes life worth living for me, work like studying, researching, becoming deeply involved in my creative process, LIVING artfully, with presence and infinite curiosity. That is the work that I really wanted to be doing most of the time, I just didn't think it was possible to have that life, you know in case you missed that.
I was 'scheduling' the least amount of time for those things because in my mind it went like this: If I have to work most of the time in ways that earn money to be successful but I love the work that I do, I've won the game, right?
Once I had the realization, I set to the task of creating this new, TRUE version of success and at first it was ah, yes, totally nerve-wracking! But, little by little, I challenged myself to show up every day as much as I could as the person who lived that life. (I am giving you cliff notes version puh-lease be advised)
And lo' and behold, literally months later, all the pieces and signposts began to render, I do what I do when I do it and it's the right time, opportunities float in without any effort on my part, I am able to rest and and enjoy things like playing video games and watching movies without guilt, I feel like I am 10x more present when I'm with my family and with myself. Is my life perfect? No. Am I happier with my life than I've ever been? Yes. Do I have a problem with time management anymore? No. No, I do not.
Herein lies the issue. What it took for me to realize this was very specific and personal. It was a process, it was time-consuming, sometimes it was messy and maze-like. And the complete non cliff-notes version of my true idea of success is very specific and very personal. ABOVE ALL, it required one thing no matter what.
The courage to tell myself the truth over and over and over again.
Also! Remember, it is always.. subject.. to... CHANGE!
But! You know what will never change? This:
If it is not founded on truth, it will inevitably fail.
Okay, story time over.
What I've learned, ultimately, about time management is that most people are attempting it, myself included for a long time, like it's a science instead of an art.
For those who do it well it looks like an art because it is an art.
We are not machines. And no matter how logical something looks on paper, no matter how stately the science and statistics look standing behind it, there is no one-size-fits all strategy for how to live a life.
Because that is really what we are talking about with time management: how do we live our lives?
Since it is life itself that we are dealing with, we are in luck, because when it comes to life there are a few mainstays we can count on, which we can use to build a sustainable sense of structure.
The first is the most important.
CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT.
I'm relatively sure you've encountered the popular quote by Ram Dass:
"You can do it like it's a great weight on you, or you can do it like a dance".
Okay cool, you don’t know it yet but this is your new mantra for ‘time management’.
So, let's break it down. What does this mean? Well, one, this means that you're going to change, the circumstances in your life are going to change, so why be led to believe that what works for one will work for all and what works for a while will work forever?
If that were the case, we'd all be getting up at 5am planners in tow.
I want to point out the mastodon in the room.
If you do it like it's a dance— when the music changes, do you stop dancing or do you ride the beat?
Brings me to my next point.
LIFE IS RHYTHMIC, IT WORKS IN CYCLES.
We are generally so out of touch with our own rhythms, clueless as to what personal cycles we're in, even more clueless about collective cycles (Astrology, hi) that we can't even BEGIN to make a proper decision about how to manage our time, because we do not have the information we need to make those decisions first. So, let's get into that, what is the nature of this information which we need to acquire first, to begin making decisions about what we want to do with our time and when?
In short, we struggle with time management because we do not know ourselves well enough.
My first question to you would be: How open are you to experimentation? Because that’s what it’s gonna take, baby. There is no way around it and chances are you might've done a good bit of that already after googling "time management strategies". But, what is the point of an experiment if you don't even notice what you've learned from it? Are you the type to try something and if it doesn't 'work' you just chalk it up as not being right for you and never look back?
The crux of the issue here is that you're looking to something outside of yourself to help you make decisions you want to make from inside yourself. If the goal isn't to learn more about yourself, and thus enable yourself to better direct you and advocate for your own wants and needs, every promising new strategy will inevitably feel like a failure. Because at the end of the day, there is no one more qualified to inform you as to how to manage your time THAN YOU.
You've got to get to know yourself outside of the context of what 'time management' looks like in books, movies, google searches, podcasts, on social media, and for anyone else.
This is not to say that you can’t use these things as tools but they should be used as tools for self-reflection and understanding. They themselves are not and never will be the means to the end. That would be you.
Chances are when you finally feel like you can answer the question "How satisfied are you with your time management skills"? with "Very satisfied", you will have maybe one or two things that remotely sound like strategies but even those are subject to change. By that I mean you will have found your flow. Finding your flow is the secret to time management. It is otherwise known as "being in alignment." But there is a lot of honesty and revision which must take place first in order to find that flow.
I know, I know, some of you might be rolling your eyes at this point. If so, this might not be for you and I wish you the best of luck. But, before you go, let me know if this is true for you:
If you are not satisfied with how you're managing your time, there is a 100% chance there is a.) at least one major thing in your life you wish was not happening, or wish was happening in a different form, and b.) at least one major thing you wish was happening, or was happening in a different form.
The more time you spend investing in what you wish was not happening, the less success you will have with time management. The more time you spend investing in what you wish was happening, the more you will find yourself managing your time.
But nyoka, it can't be that simple. If that were the case, I'd be a pro at managing my time by now!
But nyoka, that's the thing! I don't have time to invest in what I want!
No matter which way you slice and dice it, every little thing you do in your life is a choice.
Go ahead and scroll back up to the Ram Dass quote.
That’s right, some things are popular for good reason.
Could it be true that productivity as you know it is less important to you than you have convinced yourself that it is? What is your dream job, what is your dream life? Okay, are you sure about that? Ask again, this time with brutal, unabashed, raw honesty. Forget what your partner or your friends might think of you, forget what past versions of yourself might think of you, forget what the internet might think of you, what your parents might think of you, push past what you have deemed POSSIBLE.
Because let me tell you something, every investment of your time in that direction will get you one step closer to it.
Could it be true that you do a lot of things or even one thing a lot of the time because you believe that you have to, maybe even convinced yourself that you want to, when the truth is that you don’t?
Because let me tell you something, every investment of your time in that direction will get you one step closer to it.
One reason people believe that they are not ‘managing their time well’ is they don't feel like they have enough time for things they like to do. Well, don’t kill me for saying this but it really does beg the question: If you show up to work every day because you believe investing your time in something that gives you money is worth it, then why do you feel like doing things for yourself is not as worth it?
Not shaming here, merely posing questions.
Once you have told yourself the truth about what you want, give yourself the courage to prioritize it.
So, are you willing to experiment with your own unique way of accomplishing tasks? How willing are you to experiment with new ways of structuring your time? Are you willing to dedicate at least a solid month to pure experimentation with time management in order to understand more about your natural rhythms? All of this as a start, all of this in the name of pure experimentation for the purpose of self-understanding. Could it be that the things you want to accomplish, your hobbies, the ways you like to spend your time, etc. have changed?
This is "If I invest my time in (X), the reality of (Y) grows" kind of thinking. Let's use an example. Let's say if I invest my time in (job), the reality of (money) grows. Sure, makes sense. But what if you don’t like your job, and what if I told you that it's a cold hard fact that when you do things you don't want to do your energy drops and you feel fatigued, or worse? And if you have a job you love, I guarantee you it is not just because of the money it provides. There is nothing wrong with money, there is nothing wrong with prioritizing financial security and stability, nothing wrong with wanting money, spending money, but do you know where you stand in relation to those goals?
The person who decides to work a job that doesn't mean much to them but provides enough income so that they can comfortably, without worry, invest more time and risk in the direction of their dream, their art, their whatever matters more will have more success with time management than someone who works somewhere to have financial security to no other end. Also, are you saving or hoarding? Neither, cool, okay, what are you investing in? What do you want?
Do. you. have. the. answers. to. these. questions.
The common denominator here is investment. Every drop of time is an investment. And breaking news we are designed for much, much more than just a monetary ROI. And every bit of your life force knows that so the more you invest otherwise the more you are going against the grain of all grains. Sorry to be the bearer of great news.
What are you investing your time in? What is it for?
How much of that is for the benefit of your own creation?
Time management at its finest is a lot like the moment when you jump in double dutch.
So, how do you get there? How do you trust yourself to stay in rhythm?
Gun to my head, if there was a golden rule, I'd say it's this: Humans need a little bit of structure, and a lot of flexibility.
Why?
Simple.
Because that’s what nature needs.
Would you ask a forest to tell you exactly what flowers are going to be ready, available and in full bloom this time next Friday? No.
Can you count on there to be four seasons? Yes.
Time management is being honest about what you truly want, being honest about everything that's in the WAY of you living the life you want, and investing your time in the life you want. If you're living the life you want, you're already managing your time because you’re doing things you want to do most of the time.
How can you get CLOSER TO THAT NOW?
Sue me!
Anything you do to understand MORE about the way your energy functions, what it needs, what you need, what you want, YOU in your LIFE, will tell you more about how to manage your time than the best most statistically-backed strategy in existence.
The bigger picture here is that humans feel depleted and fragmented (disorganized) when they aren't doing what they truly want to do, and when you're hot on the trail of self discovery (gag, sorry), it really does become a lot easier to dance.
WHO or WHAT are you performing for? Get real about what you being great at time management even looks like. HONESTLY.
If you're being totally honest with yourself and that means a four-hour workday and a whole lot of lazing, how do you expect to ever feel like you're good at time management if you're not investing your time in that direction?
How do you really want to spend your time? Get everything and everyone else out of your head. Everybody out. Can you be honest with yourself enough to tell the truth about how you want to spend your days? Do you believe in yourself enough to do what it takes to get there? Have you convinced yourself it isn't POSSIBLE?
If so, you don't have a time management issue. As a matter of fact, most people who think they have an issue with managing their time don't actually have an issue with managing their time. They have ideas about things they think they want or need that aren't actually true.
Anything that isn't founded on truth will inevitably fail.
Now for more takeaways!
Have you looked up your human design chart? This can be a fantastic place to start when you’re investigating how YOU navigate time. It was nothing short of life changing for me.
How much flexibility do you allow yourself? In what ways? How much discipline? In what ways? Where do your standards come from? Why?
Are you paying attention to your own cycles? Do you notice any patterns of high energy, rest, motivation, apathy, pay attention to your life, it’s where the answers are! They are not on the internet! Women, are you paying attention to your menstrual cycle? This is CRUCIAL. Crucial. Period. (no pun intended) but also crucial because if you aren’t you absolutely cannot have real expectations about what you’re capable of and when and what to prioritize and when.
READ TO RECLAIM YOUR ATTENTION SPAN AND STRENGTHEN YOUR DELAYED GRATIFICATION MUSCLE BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO NEED IT. Stop reading when you start to get bored. But read more often. If you don’t like reading, it’s probably because you haven’t read things you like, get in touch with me and I bet I can recommend something that you’ll enjoy.
Time management is a complex topic that has NOTHING to do with calendars.
DO what you WANT to do MORE.
Being good at something, feeling proud and satisfied when you do it, does not necessarily mean that’s what you want to do in the moment, regularly, OR as a career path.
When you stall out in the middle of a task, stop what you’re doing and recharge with something that excites you, calms you, motivates you, etc you get my drift. Don’t plow through. If you’re involved in something that makes it seem like that’s what you must do, take a real honest look at why.
NEVER USE PRESSURE TO COMPLETE YOUR GOALS.
I’ve been playing this Legend of Zelda game recently, I’ve never played a big game like this before and it’s so cool and interesting. I don’t usually like using video game analogies when I talk about life, but I am feeling flexible so I’ll put it to you like this:
If someone walked up to me and said how do you win Legend of Zelda? The answer would be simple, I’d say you play it, you keep playing it til you win. And then I’d say something about how complex it is, but you know, just believe in yourself and don’t give up because it is 100% possible for you to win this game.
How can you win your game if you're playing someone else's?
How can you win your game if you’re not even playing it!
Remember one million paragraphs ago when I said this:
Herein lies the issue. What it took for me to realize this was very specific and personal. It was a process, it was time-consuming, sometimes it was messy and maze-like. And the complete non cliff-notes version of my true idea of success is very specific and very personal. ABOVE ALL, it required one thing no matter what.
The courage to tell myself the truth over and over and over again.
So, this *gestures broadly* is what I help people do. This isn’t the only thing I do, but it is one of my favorite things to do, and I do it very well. I call it mentorship, you can call it ‘coaching’ if you want though I am not fond of the term, every individual I’ve ever worked with in this capacity has called it ‘life-changing’.
The truth is there is no answer that works for everyone. But I can help you uncover what works for you.
There is no contract, no binding agreement here, but I have found it’s best if we meet at least once a week. It is a modest $50 investment for an hour of your time spent in that direction (the one that brings you closer to what you want).
Space is fairly limited right now which is why you don’t see it as an option on my website nor do you see me posting about it on Instagram. Space will only become more limited after this month because I’ll be starting classes. If you are interested, please don’t delay, I want to see you sooner than later.
Peace, (is what I found, after all this time, by the way)
nyoka